Almost 6 months later, I realized that my blog has been empty and lifeless. So many events have taken place in my life I don’t even know where to begin. A few months in a lifetime is not much, yet it seems like so much has changed. Truthfully, time is not what dictates the course of our lives, but rather our ability to live in depth the experiences we encounter. To me time has always been one of those things I truly cherish and never want to waste.
I suppose this was the image that truly made me stop and take a look at my life last year when I decided to do the “cleanse” in my life. Seeing the days pass by with only 86, 400 seconds truly woke me up. Every day the simple beauty of what comes my way without fanfare amazes me. My gratitude for life and just being alive continues to grow by the day now.
Last year around this time, I didn’t feel so positive nor so gracious about time and life. All I saw was my time ticking away and others wasting it.
I blame myself really. I let a lot of negative energy into my life and it took me quite awhile to get it out. It wasn’t that I was just unhappy, I was weary. Weary of this life. Weary of trying so hard. I felt scattered inside. Like a lost soul. If you know me then you know I am rarely lost. I always have a goal and I am always out there achieving something or doing something with myself.
Humans pass through so many phases in the course of their lives. There are moments when we have the impression that an outside force is pushing us to be everywhere at once. Duty calls. Especially for a Chinese girl, such as myself, raised in a very traditional manner. I constantly struggle between my own heartfelt desires and doing things to make others happy. There are so many calls to respond to at once – looking after aging parents, running two companies and taking on a third business, helping a friend who feels the chaos or emptiness of life, trying to maintain a happy and loving relationship without being stepped on and on top of all that trying to still achieve my goal of having my own TV show and making that a reality. We can only be in one place at a time. When these moment arrive, the heart is caught between the desire to help and the weight of reality and its limits. At times I felt guilty and sad. I really want to be able to do more, especially for my parents. The funny thing I found out is, the more pressure we feel the more we try to do. We recognize our lives so as to fit in more. Often, we take on more responsibilities but leave less life for ourselves. Until I felt completely overwhelmed and wanted to scream.
And that is when I came upon this quote. I read this and began asking myself questions. What am I really doing with my life? What is my mission in life? What is my reason for being? What makes ME happy? What does Nicole want? When I started asking myself the right questions and answering them, it became clear to me like fog lifted on a cloudy day. I went back to the basics and started a new way of living and thinking. It doesn’t happen in a day but now, finally now, I am at peace and am able to communicate again and come out of hiding.
There are small lessons in our daily conflicts; the misunderstandings; the unforseen that jostles our core, and every so often those little reminders teach us to let go.
Letting go is one of the toughest things anyone can do in life. It requires a great amount of mental strength of which most of us do not possess. I was somehow magically able to find that strength within me and told myself that I am the only one who can change my life around. No one else can do it for me. And that starts with letting go of the pain and anger that eats me up inside.
The moment I was able to do that was the day my life turned around and I began to feel like my normal self again. The person I am meant to be. Happy. Just really happy. I am working towards my mission and my dream is about to happen. I can feel it in every part of my mind and my heart. Once it does I will gladly share it with each and every one of you who have been there to support me this whole way.
In this sense, I, Gourmand Chic, am back. Having moved on and listened to the signs that life has sent me and guided me along the way, I am happy to have taken the fear I felt last year which almost paralyzed me, and am now taking one step at a time to move forward and enter the flow of life that is meant to surround me. I now step into the big game that life represents. I am ready to move forth on my journey.
Let me leave you with these last words.
I invite you to give meaning to your life, to blossom and become who you are, to succeed by acting based on who you are, and to find fulfillment by accomplishing the ultimate goal of your being. We all have the power to create our life. Don’t waste another second.